A Question Answered!

Hi Friends,

Hope you'll are all doing well. I am having a blast and just can't seem to get enough of my vacation........its hard to believe that the days have zoomed past and this is my last week of the break, for the time being at least!

It's always gratifying to read comments from friends and to know that they appreciate your work! SO, this is an acknowledgement t0 all those people who bother to regularly look up my blog and go over my writings and let me know what they think of them!

Now, my dear friend Dhiraj, went through the piece "When it's hard to hold on, it's best to let go!" He found a couple of loose ends in the article and wrote to me seeking a clarification! This is what he wrote:

"Well I just wanted to know what do u do once you let go and memories keep coming or sometimes haunting back ??? "

Hmm......thought-provoking! Now this is what I really like....when people dig up loopholes in an article and give me an opportunity to explore the more subtle nuances therein. What follows now is my reply to him!

Now, to begin with, the article that this question relates to is not entirely about memories. It’s more about situations. What was actually intended in the article was to elaborate on a simple age-old blatant truth, which is that - SOME THINGS ARE JUST BEYOND OUR CONTROL. It is more a manifestation of another age-old adage, "What will be, will be!" "When it is hard to hold on, it is best to let go" applies to these circumstances which are supposedly destined and nothing in an average human's power can stop them from occurring. In such cases, you need to relinquish your position, your stand and let nature take its own course, destiny have the upper hand because that IS the best you can do.

Coming to memories, they are an important part of one's existence. They are, more often than not, the driving force behind a person's choices, decisions and prerogatives. It is surely not easy, rather impossible, to let go of them, particularly the bad ones. However, in this case, let go means to refrain from allowing those memories to become a permanent obstacle in one's daily life. To let go means to push them far back into one's sub-conscious mind so that one is not clinging on to them for dear life! Yes, they do sometimes keep coming back, haunting. Even then, you need to let yourself be in control and not get overwhelmed by them. You need to keep letting go each time they come back. Over a period of time, you will find that they don't haunt anymore - even if they DO keep coming back!

And as Dhiraj rightly pointed out, "in course of time, you start looking at the brighter side of all those memories and just move on. And then one day you just look back and say or croon like Bryan Adams "Those were the best days of my life". I couldn't have summed it up better!

Well, that's all for now and I hope this answers any questions any of you may have had regarding the article in question and that I have done due justice to those!

Till next time, from Slo, this is Tally-Ho!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Massacre...

Dear Friends,

Its been ages since I blogged and a lot has happened in the interim period.......my exams, for instance (and that IS a lot!!!!). But now all that is behind me and I am back to what I love most....writing!

If there's anything in the recent past that has affected me more than anything else, it has to be the disaster wreaked by the suicide bomber at Virginia Tech last month. I know its a bit late for me to be writing on that now. Nevertheless, I will add my humble two-pence to the story. 32 people dead (including the killer himself) and so many more injured, it was something that took almost the whole world by shock.

Just imagine.

A student who spoke to her parents the previous night saying everything was fine and she was very happy with the way her studies were going and same with life in general at Virginia Tech. And next day, those parents get to know that she's gone. They'll never see her again, hear her voice again........

Just imagine.

A group of friends who met, planned a get-together on the pretext of combined study. And before they know it, their plan is blown up just as their bodies, into innumerable shrivels, the bits never to be out together and the plan, never to materialize..........

Just imagine.

Professors in the staff room, huddled over a desk making course plans, setting timetables, preparing test papers or simply chatting over some tea/snacks and the next thing they know, they're gone......just like that........in a fraction of a second......like clicking your fingers.......

Just imagine.

The pally twosome walking around the campus cheerfully talking, gossiping, laughing and fighting.......and then bidding goodbye across the ground not realizing that its the last time they'll be doing so or worse still, one of them suddenly seeing the other going up in flames and smoke........

Just close your eyes and imagine all of these................................

The physical damage that has been caused is definitely very costly. Loss in terms of infrastructure, damage to the lawns, the building, etc can be seen and felt. But infinitely more serious damage has been inflicted on the survivors and their mental and emotional stability. The ones who went up in flames suffered for a nanosecond and before they could realize what was happening, they were gone...forever. But the people they left behind were, and indubitably still are filled with a deep sense of loss and a shock that'll continue to haunt them for life.

The parents of the deceased, their close relatives, friends and acquaintances are bound to be consumed by grief but even those they may have never known, the common man like us, is terrified by the event. The prospect of sending a loved one away from us (more so for parents sending their children abroad) suddenly seems frightful.

In the midst of all this comes a second angle to the tale. The killer - Seung-Hui Cho. A person who was subjected to neglect and at the same time made an object of ridicule, who eventually succumbed to his own insecurities and decided to take away a few dozen other lives along with his own. However much we sympathize with this lad (though I must admit I don't in the least), the premise can't be a legitimate one for an act such as this. Whatever it was that egged him on to perform this disgusting act was surely not laudable.

If anything, he was a psychopath who shrouded his instability of the mind by a veil in the nature of a complex insecurity cast upon him by his colleagues at the university in one of the two ways - neglect or ridicule. And he played this trump card making it the supposed motive of his cowardly act.

Whatever the reason, friends, a massacre is a massacre and nothing can justify it. What's done is done and all that remains is a charred legacy of the height of a sadistic psyche. The tragic sight of the bombing will remain with the witnesses and always remind them of how narrowly they escaped, how ruthlessly their colleague had behaved (misbehaved rather!!) and how tragically they had lost their friends.

This post is a prayer for those poor shattered souls that are up in heaven now and for their families who grieve for them and feel a deep sense of bereavement. Amen.

A tear-jerker this one, hope for a happier post next time. Till then, from Slo, this is Tally-Ho!

Testing times......

Hey friends, back again to eat your brains!!!! Well, this time I'm all set to write on a rather heavy topic.......

Now, picture this....

There was this lady who was battling cancer, last stage. And eventually when she lay on her deathbed, she was surrounded by all her near and dear ones - her husband, her 3 daughters, grandchildren, siblings and some close friends. And once the doctor announced that she was critical and battling for her last few breaths, everyone was allowed near her and all of them were in tears. Everyone was saying things like "mom, please don't leave us and go...", "what would we do without you?" and her husband said "how can you do this to me.....you had promised you'd always be there with and for me and all our children..." and stuff like that. None of them were quite empathetic to the fact that she was already miserable and wasn't exactly enjoying what she was undergoing, that she had no control over what was to happen to her in the next few moments; in fact she was in immense pain and struggling for each breath.

Away from this entire scene, her youngest daughter stood at one corner of the room.....not weeping, not saying anything. And then, suddenly but with firm steps, she walked up to her mother. She lovingly took her mother's hand in hers and with her eyes full but the tears not flowing, she said strongly, "Mom, ever since we were born and to this very day, you have always done for us all that was in your capacity and more to make us happy. You have not given us all that we wanted but all that we needed....and that's what has made us the charming and sensible young women we are. You built in us those values and habits that people around us love and respect us for. You have been our best friend who gave us a high five when we were delighted about something, a pat on the back to motivate us and give us strength when things weren't quite going the way we wanted them to, a shoulder to cry on when we were really distraught. Mom, we love you loads. And it pains us greatly to see you suffer like this. We can feel the suffering you are going through. Much as we love you and want you with us forever, it'd never do for us to see you like this everyday of your life." And then she paused to clear her throat, lest she start crying.

Then she said, "Mom, I speak not just for myself but for all of us." Everyone glared at each other wondering what this girl was going to say. She continued, "Mom, each one will tell you a different thing. Each one of us is extremely sad about having to let you go but mom, we realize that its best for you." "Noooooooooooooooooo. What are you saying?" screamed her elder sister. But the girl softly went on without clarifying, "Sometimes, we must realize that when its hard to hold on, its best to let go." And with that she moved behind the crowd of people because she couldn't contain her tears any more. Her mother breathed her last within two seconds, but not before saying, "Thank you, my love, for making it easier for me."

Well, well, if that was sad and brought tears to your eyes, I must congratulate my story-telling abilities! But my intention was not that. Its just the line, "When its hard to hold on, its best to let go".........I'd read this line in Reader's Digest a couple of years ago and it just stuck. I thought.....and still think...that it is a line which gives a lot of strength. At first, it seems like a line that glorifies the act of giving up before achieving anything. But on deeper thought, you realize that it is not so much about giving up as it is about giving in.

What I mean is that sometimes things are simply beyond our control. Like the definition of life goes, "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." Yes, its just that and that's what we commonly call destiny. Call it destiny, fate, God's will or for the atheist and the non-spiritual people among you, simply an occurrence but at grassroots level, and for all practical purposes, its something we have no control over. And after all, that's life......and sometimes, you've just got to give in because some things are just meant to be!

This article is not so much about the sob story that I narrated just now as it is about that one line. I believe it is a line that fits everywhere and that signifies prudence in the stickiest of situations. Let's see how.....shall we??!!

When someone fails an examination, what do we tell him or her in consolation?? We say that its best to put the failure behind and start anew with renewed enthusiasm and effort. Let go of the failure, so to say, and not hold on to it.

When someone has just had a horrible break-up or is fresh from going through a trying patch in their relationship, again, instead of holding on to the gross memories of it, its best to let go and look ahead and better times.

When our favorite sports team loses an incredibly easy match (read India losing against Bangladesh...........LOL!!), what do we do??? Curse them. And then when they come back with a bang (our darling men in blue again!!!), what do we do again?? Hail them!! Why?? Because we don't hold on to their failures!!! We let them go and look at each new game with new hope (so much for our hopes in the ICC World Cup!!!!)

When a 26/7 or 9/11 or 7/11 strike, do we shut ourselves up inside our homes and steer clear of danger or venture out, albeit with a little fear in our hearts but with courage in our head and the determination to not let anything deter our spirit??? Obviously the latter......and that is but a result of not holding on to the memories or the fear or the incident at large but letting go and being strong.

So I said, the maxim applies universally. Why.....may I ask.....why do we need to burden ourselves with excess baggage of past memories, failures, worries when those that life keeps pelting at us are more than sufficient??!!!! I happened to read somewhere......."A man doesn't even live for a hundred years, yet he worries enough for thousand!!" How True!

Just as the age-old principle goes, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going", trying times make you stronger. Challenges brace you for the worst but even in those times, we must derive strength from our inner selves and that can happen by not dwelling on the past but by looking ahead, at the bright future in anticipation of nothing less than the BEST!!!!

So let us be like birds, carefree and calm. Let us relieve our self of the excess baggage of sorrow, failure, grudge, worry, guilt and panic that slow us on our journey through life......Lighten our load and be happier people. Let us all learn and practice the principle, "When its hard to hold on, its best to let go!!"

This is it for now pals.....till next time, from Slo, its Tally-Ho!!!

PROUD TO BE A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello everyone....I'm back for a brief repartee amidst my schedule of exams.....after all, we all need a break don't we?!!

It's International Women's Day on March 8th and before I move on, Happy Women's Day to all the women I know and to the ones I don't know........Let's celebrate our existence and command our worth on a day that's dedicated to us!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we're back to that time of the year again when publications ramble on and on about how eons have passed and women have not evolved. We still continue to be the weaker sex and how we are so easily exploited.........Some small movements and changes are highlighted but unfortunately, the emphasis is always on how we are still inferior to men......

How unfair......how grossly unfair.....We all know that over the years, we surely have uplifted our status and have been steadily climbing up the social ladder. Things have changed for the better and a lot of ancient, almost savage practices have now been rendered redundant. Women have always been hailed as the better half of men. They have shared space on this earth ever since man has been here. Yet, they have always had a raw deal. People talk of equality and elimination of gender bias but let's face it....in our predominantly orthodox social set up, somewhere at the corner of our mind, the bias still exists. Women have never had it easy. In all forms of social extremism, the targets have always been women....be it the purdah system, sati or infanticide. Women can do almost everything that men can and yet, time and again, they need to prove themselves because people just need an excuse to bring about comparisons and underplay the role and achievements of women.

Maybe its time then, that we stopped trying to prove anything to anybody. Maybe we should just live life on our own terms, mind our own business.......maybe we should stop screaming ourselves hoarse that we are equal to men and let them see and sense it for themselves! Having said that, I must add that over the past few years, women have been in the forefront in all fields....from Politics (our very own queen bee Smt. Sonia Gandhi) to social work (Maneka Gandhi), from Science (Kalpana Chawla) to Commerce (Indra Nooyi), from Art (Dr.Sarayu Doshi) to Literature (the recent Pulitzer prize-winner Kiran Desai) to Films (Deepa Mehta....director of the Oscar-nominated Water) to every other field.......and these are just great exponents that I have chosen from a list of women that if completely laid, would never end!!!! These women, by being the very best in their respective departments, have given inimitable respect to our clan and shown that women have what it takes to be 'UP THERE'! (Disclaimer: I have intentionally named ONLY Indian women, not because I am prejudiced but because I reside in India and my literary works are largely in the Indian context, so it only makes sense to name Indians as instances)

In concurrence with the age-old saying, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going", women have always shown that they can very well maintain their calm in trying times and emerge victorious in the gravest of circumstances. It has been often cited how immaculately ambitious women balance home and work.

No mistakes here.......I am not trying to hail 'womankind' as superior to the men folk (though nothing would please me more!!). I am not saying that men are poor old good-for-nothings who simply trudge to work, briefcase in hand, only to return home for dinner. Definitely not! Much as I stand for feminism, I totally respect men for continuing to be the 'breadwinners' since time immemorial. But the fact remains that it takes women a lot more effort to get their due in what is largely a 'Man's world'!!!!!

As a matter of fact, I would say that women are partly responsible for the vulnerable position they'd put themselves in. In olden times, they'd be content with staying shut within the four walls of their home, cooking for the family, being a good wife, a dutiful daughter-in-law and a loving mother. She neither got the opportunities to venture out and build a career, nor did she create them. Over time, it became the norm for women to be sub-servient to their husbands and spend the rest of their life in the shadow of their glory. But no more! Today, we have grown immensely and can proudly claim to be capable of holding our own wherever we go. Women today, are independent and self-sufficent, capable of taking their own decisions, making their own choices and basically, living their own life!!!!

No more are we second to men..........the world can have its own opinion and people can say all they want. But then, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. If we believe in ourself and strive to reach the top, then nothing anybody says makes any difference......Because after all, when you're at the top, that's all that matters....once you get there, nobody cares whether you're a man or a woman....its the journey that's the true test...........And when we have done it in the past, there's no reason why we can't do it again!!!!

So, this woman's day let's vow to celebrate our existence ......Besides, like I mentioned earlier in this post........its time to stop trying to prove anything to others.........When they can't challenge, they'll tolerate and once they tolerate, eventually they'll have to accept!!!!! So let's save ourselves the trouble of establishing our identity because we've already done that.......more than we were required to!!!!!

Once again.....Happy Women's Day to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers from Slo....till next time, Tally-ho!!!!!!!!

Life is full of challenges.........

Hi Friends......How's life??? All's well at my end.......Have my exams coming up.....first Bcom and then CA.......had a little time on my hands so thought I'll blog in before I get too busy with studies (ahem ahem....I actually got the spelling right!!)

Hmm....so what should I blog about, what should I blog about.......think......think.......think.....and yes.....some more thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, with exams coming up, what could be a better topic!!!

Examinations.............according to the traditional explanation, are meant to test our knowledge on topics and subjects that has been imparted over a period of time, usually a year or a term........But today, its more a measure of who has the emptiest brains........I mean whose brains are empty enough to cram and rote learn the subject matter!!!!!! Atleast at school level, I find this trend to be quite overpowering.................Competition is good.....infact I believe in competition....I believe its what inspires one to work harder and perform better but not to the point of making it the basis on which a child's intellect is judged........not to the extent that the focus is on securing a rank and not on gaining the knowledge.........

It may be argued that if a child does get the marks, it means that he has gained the knowledge.....but I beg to differ on that view and I'll shamelessly admit to the fact that I am testimony to the fact that getting a rank doesn't always mean having the knowledge..........I have seen for myself the difference when I study with all my heart and when I study to secure a rank......When I study with all my heart, sincerity and focus undeterred, I find that I can have a sensible discussion on any topic even remotely related to the subject but then, when the focus is on getting a rank, on being the best, that thought clouds my mind.....in a way, it overwhelms and I find myself cramming up my brain (ahem.....incidentally, I'd like to believe its not empty!!!) and then just studying for examination sake. And then, the very next week, its evaporated........where's the knowledge......gone with the answer sheet!

I am not challenging the institution of examination.....just saying that the system should provide for a fruitful, knowledge-building exercise and not merely picking the one with the highest marks!!!!!!! I understand that designing a perfect curriculum is a challenge and preparing question papers and conducting examinations, an even bigger challenge but here, the onus is on the students to ensure they make best use and take maximum advantage of the examination system.....take it upon themselves to learn, to know and not JUST to achieve a rank.....

Talking of challenges, life is full of them isn't it???? Examinations are one of them....but then, isn't every single day, in some way, an examination?????? The uncertainty of each day, the choices we are always faced with, our dealings with different people, the ever-existent dilemma of to-do-or-not-to-do and to-say-or-not-to-say; aren't all of these decisions that can change the course of our life???? So, by that definition, aren't they all challenges???? Its all about facing these challenges, being strong, coming out victorious, eager to face the next one!!!!! After all, if we had everything so easy, then what would be their value??? Just as without darkness, we'd never know the value of light, without sorrow, we'd never know how priceless happiness is, without disease, we'd never know the importance of good health and without effort, we'd never know what our success is worth!!!!!

Here's a poem on that note!!!!

LIFE'S CHALLENGES

Life's all about challenges, some little, some large;

Some a little easy, some a little hard!!

It's all about being smart and playing well your cards;

All about not giving up, all about being a star!

It's surely not impossible, that is known by far;

Just a little patience with a little will-power!

If everything was so simple, without a hint of harm;

What value would it have, wouldn't it lose its charm?!

Nobody would so much as stretch their arm;

They'd just be satisfied with the lines in their palm!

Everything would be a perfect picture of calm;

There'd be no surprises, no shocks and no alarms!

If we never had to work, strive or serve;

What exactly would we deserve?

If we never displayed a little bit of nerve;

How would we ever know, what lies beyond the curve?

Try as we may, we can ever swerve

Away from the challenges that we're destined to endure!

So we might as well, put on a brave face;

Take on the challenges and put them to disgrace!

Life's all about taking the plunge into the tumultous waves;

Ripping them apart with vigour as well as grace!

Let us, then, with open arms, learn to embrace

Life's mighty challenges, wash them away to leave no trace!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, that's it for now..............Till next time, from slo...this is Tally-ho!!!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year!

Hi Friends...............been ages since I blogged.....Gosh! this is becoming one of my standard lines!!!!!

So, before I forget, Compliments of the Season to all my dear friends..........Wish all of you a very Happy and Prosperous New Year!!!! Hmmmmmmmm............New year, new ideas, new thoughts and new blogs!!!!! There's so much more to look forward to, isn't it????

Come to think of it, New Year is the one and only occasion that is celebrated worldwide unanimously (never mind the statewise new years that we have in India during various harvest seasons!!!). But seriously, its a day binding on all the people of the world, when all the world parties and joins hands to bid farewell to the passing year and welcome the coming one with open arms! ( Now please don't ask me how people can join hands and open arms all at once!!!!!!!!)

Why is the New Year so significant??? For most people its not just the beginning of a new calendar year but a day to make various other new beginnings. People always keep cribbing about all the things they would like to change about themselves, all the things that they want to achieve and this is just an excuse, an opportunity, a reason to go all out and do just that. Its also a reminder that one more year has passed. As I was talking to my uncle the other day, he told me this and it just stuck.........that the New year is like a railway station. When I gave it some thought, I realized how much meaning the comparison had. Yes, New Year is like a railway station, where the train of our life halts for a moment and we get to assess whether we are heading in the right direction, how much longer we have to go, whether we are supplied with sufficient fuel and whether we are proceeding as per target!

The birth of a New Year is the rising of a new dawn when we put the past behind us and look eagerly and enthusiastically at the glorious tomorrow that's waiting for us - just around the bend! Practically speaking, all that we talk of as characteristics of the New year - all this fuss about making a new start, looking ahead and all that - could be any other day of the year but then, the unanimity of celebration, the spirit of the occasion would be lost. For many people, the new beginning that they make on New Year's is because they know everyone does so. The making of resolutions, the starting of new habits, the giving up of old ones.....all of these on New year's is simply because, as I said earlier, this day is an excuse to do so! Also, people, in their everyday hurry, do not realize the value of time that's slipping from between their fingers every moment....but when it collects and becomes a year lost, they are jolted to reality and realization dawns that another year has past...........The New year is an AWAKENING of sorts!

New Year would never be the same if people all did whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted - in that case, new year would only be the purchase of a new calendar! The whole spirit of New Year is making new beginnings, setting new targets and getting to work towards them - not just partying hard and then, again, waiting for 31st December!!!!!!!!

So, Happy New Year people! Hope this year sees all your most treasured dreams come true (actually, hope you make them come true coz then, the joy is always double of what it would be if it happened automatically!!!). Hope this year keeps you healthy, wealthy and prosperous in all respects and brings you loads of happiness and success...........................

Till next time, this is Slo signing off! Tally ho!!!!!!!